The Bad Engagement: Never Too Late to Say No

He walked into your life 18 months ago although you’ve known him much longer. He was always the charismatic guy able to woo a crowd, you were just the socially awkward one standing up against the wall across the room. You were delighted when he finally turned his attention toward you. You were instantly drawn to his energy and boisterous words. He talked about his dreams and where he wanted to go in life. And told you that he wanted you in his future. He promised that if you took his hand, he could turn things around for you. Bigly.

When others were irked by his history and antics, you wrote them off as simple minded. When friends and family said they did not like him because he reminded them of an abuser, you called for a more even-handed stance on the issues. Gaff after gaff, you stood by him. Faithfully. You admired his ability to speak what was on his mind without consequence. You loved him for his outsider approach to this thing called life. You coveted him because of the billions that he bragged to possess, never mind how we got them, never mind his history of financial ruin.

So it came as no surprise to none of us when you finally said yes to his proposal. We didn’t expect much more but we hoped that you would reconsider. Oh how we hoped. And we longed for you to choose from among your other lovers. Even the Big Bird killer was starting to look good.

But you didn’t. You were in it for the long-haul because you were convinced that he had what it took. You didn’t care what anyone said or the fact that he was simply not a good look on you. Orange seldom is. Instead, you went ahead and booked the caterer. You secured the location. You chose the priest. You rehearsed the vows, “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…” You were in it to win it, and there simply was no other option but him.

As you get closer and closer to the big day, he continues to show you who he is. Bigot. Abuser. Liar. Fraud. Some of the latest news causes you to reconsider, at least a little bit, if he is right for you. You distance yourself while still holding on for dear life because you have deceived yourself into thinking that you have too much to lose if you completely turn away.

I am here to tell you that you don’t. The only thing you stand to lose is your dignity and pride, and in time, that can be recuperated. But if you go through with this thing, you will lose much more.

And then, all I can say is that we warned you. We told you to cancel the ceremony, to get your refund on the location. Cancel the cake, or whatever, keep and eat it if you wish. Just make sure you are eating that thing alone and he is no where in sight. Because if you let him near it, he will steal it, smash it to pieces, and then make you clean up the mess.

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